theophania_79 (theophania_79) wrote in singleandpissed,
theophania_79
theophania_79
singleandpissed

Confused

This is my first time posting to this community. So glad I found it :) In RL, I'm actually a dating and love columnist, but even I am at a loss as what to do in my current situation. Here goes:

Last August I met my current bf. He was only in town for a few weeks and was scheduled to go back to Romania, where had been living the past 2 years. In 2004 he and his wife divorced. He liquidated all of his assets, then moved to Europe to become a travel writer, which he's anaged to succeed in doing. Quite impressive. Anyways, after coming home to Minneapolis to visit family, he met me, and we pretty much fell for each other hard and fast. So instead of moving back to Minnesota next spring, which was his original plan before meeting me, he decided to go back to Romania for a month, get his things, then come back and live wih me. He moved in with me at the end of September last yr.


It was a bit fast, admittedly, but we're both crazy romantics...and I hated living alone. And for the record, I live in a 1 bedroom condo, owned by my brother, with 2 cats. So after he moved-in we realized a) we weren't able to sleep in a bed together. I fidget and he's a light
sleeper. After 3 weeks of him trying to share my bed with me, his insomnia got so bad he went a bit crazy, and we almost broke up. Ever since that incident he's been sleeping on my pull-out-bed couch :/

And on top of that, he's allergic to cats. He knew he was allergic before moving in, but he had never lived with cats before so he wasn't sure how his body would react. Well sure enough, after about a month of living here his allergies (and OCD regarding cleanliness and cat hair) started to drive him mad. And the last thing: My brother is making him pay
$500/month, in rent...which he absolutely hates and feels that measure is rude, and he constantly says my brother is exorting him to date me :/ (I live in a very posh condo in downtown. $500/month is not asking much).

So last month, not surprisingly (after he recieved a huge paycheck from a writing gig), he announced to me he's going to buy his own condo 6 blks from me. Still close, but alas, it's not us "together" (which I absolutely love). The day he agreed to move-in with me was one of the happiest days in recent memory. I LOVE being domestic with the man I love, and even though I can't legally get married for state health insurance reasons, my goal one day is to 1) have a commitment ceremony followed by a reception, and 2) live with the one I love. I don't want to live alone the rest of my life.

Last night he told me (reiterated. I already knew this, but...) he never wants to get married again, and he wants to live alone for the rest of his life too (I'm 28 and he's 37). I'm starting to feel like I'm giving up too many of my dreams to be with him.

But I love the guy. A lot. We have so much in common and are virtually always on the same mental wavelength (and he's smokin' hot too).

And one more thing, I just found out he's going to be gone 2 months this summer. Another high-paying gig has presented itself and he has to go back to Romania to do it. I never, ever forsaw myself dating a guy who was gone as much like he is (he's also going to Guam for 2 weeks at the end of March). This is why I don't date military guys, you know?

The guy is stubborn. He won't change his goals for his life for anyone. What should I do? Should I preemptively break-up with him because longterm, this will never make me happy? A huge part of me just wants to stay with him and see how I feel about all this is 6 months time.

Thoughts?
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  • 2 comments
It sounds to me as though he is very selfish. Are you clingy?? You may not feel that you are but I know how I am and men sense it. Dont' act like your world is falling apart without him. If he wants to go say I wish you well!! If he cares about you he will come back to you. He might feels too much pressure.
Men do not like to feel pressure. I have never been good at the dating games. I have a free online dating site and find it to be the easiest way to meet people. If it doesn't work out there is an endless pool of guys lol!
Best of luck to you!

same x

Anonymous

March 12 2011, 18:57:23 UTC 6 years ago

well firstly, hes ROMANIAN!! i have been in the same situation, with my partner whos also drop dead gorgeous, romanian, but a selfish git, we have kids together but he thinks of himself and his maternal family more and b4 us all the time, we had an argument recently, he left, the days later tells me by tex that hes boarding the plane to romania! no goodbye nufin,, it seems that its a normal kinda thing with the romanians to b selfish a holes, i now understand why their country is in such a state with the crappy attitudes they have x